When I was young I spent a good deal of my free time reading and listening to God’s Word, which in turn led me into prayer; the sweetest communion I ever had with Him. I was not quite a teenager then, but I vividly recall how strengthened I felt after such moments spent in His presence: I could conquer the whole world and all the evil therein.
The older I grew up, the busyness of life caught up with me and more often than naught, it overtook me and got hold of the steering wheel of my life’s vehicle. I lost control, I deprived God of that solemn role. I then forgot the importance of prayer. I had so much to do and such little time to do it. Finding a little slot in my tight schedule kept proving to be harder by the day. I preoccupied myself with things I deemed necessary and put off prayer until when I could slow down a little bit.
The thing is, I never slowed down. If you ask me today, I am busier than I was when I was growing up. The sound of a quarter a century is threatening; that is the age I am about to hit come August 27th. And to think of how much I have accomplished in the two decades I have lived on earth, it is a shame. And yet my relationship with God has dwindled so much, I can barely say I am a Christian anymore. So the question is, “what have I been doing all this while?”
We grow up being taught so many societal norms, which are dynamic with time, and we have to keep adapting to them. We do things just because the whole world is doing them, and if you ask me why I have been attempting to do most of the things I have done so far (or failed at), I can confidently tell you that it is what was expected of me, by one person or the other. It is as though mankind is genetically coded to fit in and so we will do anything within our means, and even break through these, to fit in and be accepted as normal people.
Setting back, reflecting upon my life, I realize I had so many dreams when I was younger, and they felt so real I could touch them. Everything was possible, and the dreams were within my reach. My relationship with God was also superb, I felt Him near me every step of the way; I doubted I could make it through one day without Him leading the way. I do try to get back to that kind of connection now and then, but it does not last long enough; I get caught up in the comings and goings of life. The hours I spent in His presence turned into minutes and then to seconds and then to barely any time. The busier I got, the farther I got from God; after all, He is faithful, merciful and understanding. I kept thinking that as soon I was done with the things of this world, I could create some time to be with Him, but that proved impossible by the day.
Morning came, and oh no, time seemed to always be against me. Evening came and there were deadlines to beat in other aspects of my life besides my career pursuits. Once done, I was too exhausted and I only had about two to five hours of sleep. Then I started losing grip on my goals. My dreams started to turn into impossible wishes, and all I could do now is go through life haphazardly, hoping things would magically fall into place. All the time, I was too busy to pray.
Then I realized it: nothing ever causes such great disconnection between man and God as much as prayerlessness. It is a sign of pride and an unconscious confession that we don’t need Him. Once we have hit rock-bottom, that is when we realize we cannot do without Him. This is a lesson I have learned the hard way and I am willing to share with you all. Pray, read His Word. Let Him be in charge of your life and everything else will fall into place as He guides you through life’s journey.
Shalom.
Sis. Halimah,
Kenya